Able and How

HOME — I do like to watch shows that I shouldn’t like. Or shows that seem like they’ll be good for you. And Ian Hislop’s Changing of the Bard about the ‘great’ British tradition of Poet Laureate is one of those.

I didn’t know much about the role. Not as much as I thought I did anyway. But now I do. And I think I am uniquely qualified.

I am British. (Just.)

I am definitely a more personable character than Ted Hughes. I have better facial hair than Tennyson – by far. But that may not be enough.

I also love poetry. And in a different time, when one could make a living writing verse, I would have jumped in with both feet. The fact that I can’t spell shouldn’t hold me back. (Try reading Shakespeare in the original.) And nor should the fact that my earliest poetic musing were in French. (One of our first Poet Laureate’s patrons couldn’t even speak English.)

But what a job! I’d love it.

So, without wanting to launch a reality-TV style competition for the next naming… a little less than 10 years from when the role will come up again… here’s my submission for your consideration.

Take your time. We’ve got a few years yet.

On Royal soil

What the hell happened to our life in the noughties?
Politicians have once again lost their senses
And we can’t stop the Tele from talking expenses
Let’s flush them out like pheasant for Royal retirees

Chung, clack, BOOOM!
Chung-a, chung-a, clack… BOOOM!
Squaak, flutter / flutter… plunk.

What does the new world order hold for Britain?
Noble bankers we were, but now it seems we’re not
What do we do with the suits we have bought?
The right to dress up’s in the Constitution we haven’t written

‘Point of order!’ BOOOM!
‘Mister Speaker, sir…?’ BOOOM!
‘Where’d they all go?’ Go… go…

I know. It’s amazing. What am I doing sitting behind this desk?

/df